Why do we love?

to tell the truth, this is the worse worse spiritual down in my whole life. its like i hit rock bottom. hard. it was high during cebu trip, then, wham! when i came back. everytime, everywhere, i will ask God to fill me once again. but...guess this is the real testing time for me. he will come, but leave at the next instance. at least that's his way of letting me know he's there, but he's testing me. but this is really bad, because i'm in the midst of problems right now, problems too many to be counted. problems that will take time to solve. this is a lousy start to the new year. but then again, it's a blessing in disguise, because i know that friends are there to care for me, and they have.

the devil is attacking once again. that day, on my way to hospital with my dad and brother, we nearly got into an accident twice. i highly doubt its coincidence. but God has been faithful and kept his hand of protection over us. i believe that God is here.

well, school's starting tomorrow, and tell you frankly, i'm afraid. of the critiscm i will face and feeling left out once again. but frankly, i don't give a damn anymore. as long as i know what i'm doing pleases the Lord.

this year, i've made resolutions(or revolutions like what michael tan said). yesterday i watched the news, and i saw people celebrating, counting down to the new year, then they showed beggers, poor and lonely, they treated it like any other normal day. i was heartbroken. i want to do something about it. so i've decided to not spend so much money unnecessarily and save money for missions. i'm planning to go back to cebu and myanmar, i don't want an unfinished business. i'm starting to save now. i want to be able to give, and i want to be able to tell them that God blessed me so much so that i can bless you, and i want to be able to share with them the message, the message of salvation, that they will be in heaven in eternity.

december 2005 was an eventful month.. friendships broken, friendships made, friendships got closer, realised the true meaning of friends, opened up a bit, huge decisions that i made, saw what's called true poverty, saw children satisfied with simple stuff that we take for granted, prayed in the middle of the night along with 90 other youths...what more can i ask for?

problems will come, problems will stay,
but i know that God is there, every step of the way.
if you lean on your own wisdom, if you stick to your pride,
God will not help you, by yourself, you will fight.