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joash_lee@pacific.net.sg
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Wednesday, August 30, 2006
know what? i don't want to care anymore. i really hate the curfew, and its not as if i'm going out to play or anything. i'm mugging outside! i've never asked you for playtime, because i'd rather spend time going to visit churches or something, yet you don't allow. only once a while you'll compromise. you know how many times i've turned down my friends, or for that matter of fact, church practices, because i know you definitely won't allow me to go. yet whenever i ask you, you still say, tell them you cannot, you need time to rest. i want church to be my resting time! its the best, because i can rest in God. but you don't wish to listen. then what the heck do you want me to do? you think you're the only one who's tired? i'm facing problems that you never see, and you think my life is happy-go-lucky, so easygoing? you're wrong. i know you're facing work problems also, but sometimes i'm upset over school too. i don't care for dick anymore.
joash lee at 11:18 PM
Monday, August 28, 2006
i'm really afraid. i'm scared. i'm fearful of what's about to happen. few months back, i had the impression that i was going to lose someone close. and it really did happen. not that the person died or anything, we just drifted. and today, i've got two more knocking on my door.
on the way to tuition, i was sitting with peter in 74, and we were just stoning. as we passed by Singapore Polytechnic, i saw a bunch of ITE people on the pedestrian's path, and i saw some of them hugging each other. before i could give my comments to peter, he got my attention to the right side of the road. there, to my horror, was a body, covered with a black sheet, and there was a hand sticking out. there was a streak of blood flowing out of that covered corpse. it was lying next to a helmet, and a motorcycle. in my mind, everything started to fall in place. i figured out what happened, and the rest at the side of the road were devastated.
there was a pang of sorrow within me, not that i knew the deceased, but because i figured that the guy was muslim, and he wasn't going to heaven. i really really felt sorry for his friends, i saw them crying and all.. i guess i'm really starting to feel God's heartbeat, for the unsaved now.
another incident, also happened today. i came back from tuition, felt like going for a run, so i did. i decided to run to my grandma's house, which was 2 streets down. on my way there, i saw two collided cars, one of which was headfirst. i hope there were no casualties, cos i didn't see any bodies. maybe the ambulance took them away already. and when my grandmother saw me, she cried and hugged me. i haven't seen her for a really long time. she said she missed me and my brother.
its quite devastating for me, to see these two accidents happen, and to add fuel to the flame, i was reading a book, and the guy(police, sniperman) shot another guy because he was gonna shoot his wife and kid. the poor kid, imagine seeing your father's head being blown off by a sniper when you're 4 years old.
somehow i'm afraid that something would happen. the impression of me losing someone close is back again. and this time, i'm scared, but i'm ready, because i believe God prepared me in advance for it. i'm afraid, because all my 4 grandparents are still around. all these happened today. i highly doubt it's coincidence, because i know everything i go through, has gone through the approval of God. and the experiences are there for me to learn, and everything has a purpose.
i guess i'll end here. well, do pray for me yeah, i'm fearful, but i'm prepared. if God decides to take away, i'm ready.
be still and know that I am God.
on the way to tuition, i was sitting with peter in 74, and we were just stoning. as we passed by Singapore Polytechnic, i saw a bunch of ITE people on the pedestrian's path, and i saw some of them hugging each other. before i could give my comments to peter, he got my attention to the right side of the road. there, to my horror, was a body, covered with a black sheet, and there was a hand sticking out. there was a streak of blood flowing out of that covered corpse. it was lying next to a helmet, and a motorcycle. in my mind, everything started to fall in place. i figured out what happened, and the rest at the side of the road were devastated.
there was a pang of sorrow within me, not that i knew the deceased, but because i figured that the guy was muslim, and he wasn't going to heaven. i really really felt sorry for his friends, i saw them crying and all.. i guess i'm really starting to feel God's heartbeat, for the unsaved now.
another incident, also happened today. i came back from tuition, felt like going for a run, so i did. i decided to run to my grandma's house, which was 2 streets down. on my way there, i saw two collided cars, one of which was headfirst. i hope there were no casualties, cos i didn't see any bodies. maybe the ambulance took them away already. and when my grandmother saw me, she cried and hugged me. i haven't seen her for a really long time. she said she missed me and my brother.
its quite devastating for me, to see these two accidents happen, and to add fuel to the flame, i was reading a book, and the guy(police, sniperman) shot another guy because he was gonna shoot his wife and kid. the poor kid, imagine seeing your father's head being blown off by a sniper when you're 4 years old.
somehow i'm afraid that something would happen. the impression of me losing someone close is back again. and this time, i'm scared, but i'm ready, because i believe God prepared me in advance for it. i'm afraid, because all my 4 grandparents are still around. all these happened today. i highly doubt it's coincidence, because i know everything i go through, has gone through the approval of God. and the experiences are there for me to learn, and everything has a purpose.
i guess i'll end here. well, do pray for me yeah, i'm fearful, but i'm prepared. if God decides to take away, i'm ready.
be still and know that I am God.
joash lee at 8:36 PM
Friday, August 25, 2006
even though we're on talking terms again, i realised it's not that satisfying. i thought: if she were to talk to me again, wow, everything would be perfect. but how wrong am i. there's still this sense of emptiness, the hole that only Jesus can fill.
its not so good, as in, i'm still kinda happy she's talking to me again, but i still feel empty. perhaps God is teaching me to be satisfied in Him only. really, even though i can have all the riches in the world, it can't be compared to the relationship i have with Jesus Christ. as king solomon in ecclesiastes wrote, "everything is meaningless!" he was comparing that to all his riches, and trust me, he was just about the wealthiest man in the Bible. yeah, and he considered all that meaningless compared to knowing Jesus.
i finally got to experience it myself. that's quite cool. i just realised how much i need him, and he's the only one who can fill my life. Jesus, come and revive our land. which land?
its not so good, as in, i'm still kinda happy she's talking to me again, but i still feel empty. perhaps God is teaching me to be satisfied in Him only. really, even though i can have all the riches in the world, it can't be compared to the relationship i have with Jesus Christ. as king solomon in ecclesiastes wrote, "everything is meaningless!" he was comparing that to all his riches, and trust me, he was just about the wealthiest man in the Bible. yeah, and he considered all that meaningless compared to knowing Jesus.
i finally got to experience it myself. that's quite cool. i just realised how much i need him, and he's the only one who can fill my life. Jesus, come and revive our land. which land?
joash lee at 9:46 PM
Monday, August 21, 2006
God is amazing.. yesterday i was just lamenting on how sucky it was, and that everything was falling apart. he heard my cries! today something really great happened. i'm wrong after all, things don't crumble one by one. God will do wonders, and he can lift your spirits up. i'm super ultra happy, and grateful. thank you God. (:
joash lee at 11:03 PM
Sunday, August 20, 2006
memories just keep stabbing me, yet i'm pressing on. i used to think i couldn't live without you, i realised i can, it's just super duper extra tough. you were the one who listened to my complains, carried my burdens, but now, i mean nothing to you. it's crumbling, everything. when you think that everything will still be alright after this setback, wham! another one comes at you, before you even know it. i've got 2 in 2 days already. i wonder what's in stored for me tomorrow. yesterday was the ultimate test, but today's one, i didn't take it so hard. but all in all, it still hurts, just as bad.
was talking to lissa that day, and i concluded that bad things don't only happen to bad people, they happen to spiritual people too. God wants to test your faith, so when he knows you're ready, he'll put an obstacle. if you pull through, you become closer to God. if you don't, you backslide.
that's the way the cookie crumbles...
joash lee at 8:08 PM
Friday, August 18, 2006
"Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever." Psalm 73:25-26
"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17
friends are not that important. i'll try my best not to care about all that rubbish and stuff i'm going through, because i know my God will always be there for me, and i know he loves me, and that, is enough for me. my friendship with you, is worth no value in comparison to the friendship i have in Jesus Christ, my saviour. i'm sure he will save me from all the tough times and just heal me of my wounds. because my God is MIGHTY TO SAVE. (:
Saviour, he can move the mountains,
my God is MIGHTY TO SAVE,
he is MIGHTY TO SAVE!
forever, author of salvation,
he rose and CONQUERED THE GRAVE,
JESUS CONQUERED THE GRAVE!
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever." Psalm 73:25-26
"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17
friends are not that important. i'll try my best not to care about all that rubbish and stuff i'm going through, because i know my God will always be there for me, and i know he loves me, and that, is enough for me. my friendship with you, is worth no value in comparison to the friendship i have in Jesus Christ, my saviour. i'm sure he will save me from all the tough times and just heal me of my wounds. because my God is MIGHTY TO SAVE. (:
Saviour, he can move the mountains,
my God is MIGHTY TO SAVE,
he is MIGHTY TO SAVE!
forever, author of salvation,
he rose and CONQUERED THE GRAVE,
JESUS CONQUERED THE GRAVE!
joash lee at 10:56 PM
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
i hate it when things are the way they are now.
i still wonder why things have to be this way.
i hate it when you rank your friends.
perhaps i'm the last few on your list.
or maybe i am the last.
i want to be a mugger.
maybe i'm changing.
my mom's alright.
my throat hurts.
i can't trust you.
i can't trust 'em.
i'm not alright.
i hate cliques.
i hate sin.
i sin.
sIn.
sin is all about self-centredness. you realise that all the sentences have something to do with me. ME MYSELF I. I am the centre of sin. why do we still sin if we know what exactly is sin? do we make the effort to please God? or we don't care at all what God thinks? satan, stop making people sin. you just want more companions in hell right. and you want God to be unhappy. let you know that its not working with me. and i will do my best to stop you. and i WILL win. because God reigns, and he's on my side. IF GOD IS FOR US, WHO CAN BE AGAINST US? so stop trying, satan. get outta here. MY GOD IS MIGHTY TO SAVE, so stop trying to get more people into hell along with you. burn on your own. let other people enjoy life in heaven. don't be a sore loser. you lose, you lose. don't make other people lose with you. SATAN IS SELFISH.
i still wonder why things have to be this way.
i hate it when you rank your friends.
perhaps i'm the last few on your list.
or maybe i am the last.
i want to be a mugger.
maybe i'm changing.
my mom's alright.
my throat hurts.
i can't trust you.
i can't trust 'em.
i'm not alright.
i hate cliques.
i hate sin.
i sin.
sIn.
sin is all about self-centredness. you realise that all the sentences have something to do with me. ME MYSELF I. I am the centre of sin. why do we still sin if we know what exactly is sin? do we make the effort to please God? or we don't care at all what God thinks? satan, stop making people sin. you just want more companions in hell right. and you want God to be unhappy. let you know that its not working with me. and i will do my best to stop you. and i WILL win. because God reigns, and he's on my side. IF GOD IS FOR US, WHO CAN BE AGAINST US? so stop trying, satan. get outta here. MY GOD IS MIGHTY TO SAVE, so stop trying to get more people into hell along with you. burn on your own. let other people enjoy life in heaven. don't be a sore loser. you lose, you lose. don't make other people lose with you. SATAN IS SELFISH.
joash lee at 9:34 PM
Sunday, August 13, 2006
PART II
"Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what i say?"
-Luke 6:46
anyway, i'm not trying to be mr. good here. i'm not perfect either, so you can choose not to listen to me, but then again, i'm human, like you, and we're all growing in the Lord together. so yeah. many of you think its impossible to change bad habits. but i can tell you its not. because Christ died for us, he overcame sin, and death, and satan. he overcame the world too, and he lives in us, therefore we are also conquerors. actually, it is MORE than conquerors.
yup, so don't worry about having to try so hard to change, rely on God's strength, and he will sustain you. one more thing, i hope people don't misunderstand the word 'sin'. SIN is the bad things that people do, AND the good that people DON'T do. got it? so whenever you see an old lady, a pregnant lady in the mrt, give up your seat. if you pretend not to see, its sin.
haha, out of point, but anyway, yeah. wanted to share something. on friday, my whole family went for checkups, except me. my dad went to consult a doctor, cos he's been feeling very giddy the past few weeks. my mom also went for checkup, she has been nosebleeding alot, and the doctor found that her red blood cell concentration is too high, which means that she has too much blood in her. something wrong with the pancreas too. she took a blood test, and results will be out on tuesday. she's super scared now.
and my brother, he went to see an eye specialist, he has to wear hard lenses(expensive!) because his cornea ain't clear. sigh. my grandfather just got discharged, went for some op. my uncle's in st luke's hospital recuperating. if God took them(the people, not the sickness) all away, i don't know what i'll do. seriously. but if he took away all the illnesses, i'd be dancing for joy.
came into this world with nothing, leaving with the same...
"Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what i say?"
-Luke 6:46
anyway, i'm not trying to be mr. good here. i'm not perfect either, so you can choose not to listen to me, but then again, i'm human, like you, and we're all growing in the Lord together. so yeah. many of you think its impossible to change bad habits. but i can tell you its not. because Christ died for us, he overcame sin, and death, and satan. he overcame the world too, and he lives in us, therefore we are also conquerors. actually, it is MORE than conquerors.
yup, so don't worry about having to try so hard to change, rely on God's strength, and he will sustain you. one more thing, i hope people don't misunderstand the word 'sin'. SIN is the bad things that people do, AND the good that people DON'T do. got it? so whenever you see an old lady, a pregnant lady in the mrt, give up your seat. if you pretend not to see, its sin.
haha, out of point, but anyway, yeah. wanted to share something. on friday, my whole family went for checkups, except me. my dad went to consult a doctor, cos he's been feeling very giddy the past few weeks. my mom also went for checkup, she has been nosebleeding alot, and the doctor found that her red blood cell concentration is too high, which means that she has too much blood in her. something wrong with the pancreas too. she took a blood test, and results will be out on tuesday. she's super scared now.
and my brother, he went to see an eye specialist, he has to wear hard lenses(expensive!) because his cornea ain't clear. sigh. my grandfather just got discharged, went for some op. my uncle's in st luke's hospital recuperating. if God took them(the people, not the sickness) all away, i don't know what i'll do. seriously. but if he took away all the illnesses, i'd be dancing for joy.
came into this world with nothing, leaving with the same...
joash lee at 9:52 PM
Friday, August 11, 2006
PART 1
"Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."
-John 14:21
God placed a burden in my heart. i can't leave it lying there. i need to share it with all of you. it may offend some of you, but i guarantee you, you will start to think, and your life will change, if you admit your wrongs.
many of you proclaim you love Jesus. many of you say "Jesus lives in my heart today! he's awesome!" many of you sing, dance, jump, lift hands, shout... all these are good, they are acts of worship unto God. but think of this, is worship all about singing only? shouldn't it be a life thing? everytime we sing, "Jesus i give you my whole life!" do we really mean it? or are we just giving empty talk?
dudes, you gotta put your heart where your mouths are. your whole life should be a living sacrifice to God. he DIED for you. you want to LIVE for Him? we may think all these acts of rebellion are cool, people will accept us... throughout the week we sin unknowingly/knowingly, and we continue to do so, cos we're not perfect. we do stuff that we know God doesn't like. but we still do it. why?
the whole week, we forget about God, our world revolves around me, myself, i. we start to party and all that, just wanting to have fun. but... sunday approaches, we say to God,"oh, i'm sorry Lord! please forgive me! i'm gonna live for you from today onwards!" as soon as you walk out, you forgot about your promises to God, and you just want to have fun, not thinking about God anymore. and it becomes a routine.
quoting esmonde, either you give your 100% or you don't give at all. don't be a hypocrite. don't be a sunday christian. are you living your life the way God wants you to? 3 kinds of people- the saved, the unsaved, and the unspiritual. which one are you?
i'm gonna take my stand already. the time has come. either you're with Jesus, or you're against Jesus. make your stand now. sitting on the fence will only cut your butt. i dare to take this risk because God revealed it to me already. hate me if you want, i've got Jesus on my side. (:
"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."
-John 15:17-19
"Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."
-John 14:21
God placed a burden in my heart. i can't leave it lying there. i need to share it with all of you. it may offend some of you, but i guarantee you, you will start to think, and your life will change, if you admit your wrongs.
many of you proclaim you love Jesus. many of you say "Jesus lives in my heart today! he's awesome!" many of you sing, dance, jump, lift hands, shout... all these are good, they are acts of worship unto God. but think of this, is worship all about singing only? shouldn't it be a life thing? everytime we sing, "Jesus i give you my whole life!" do we really mean it? or are we just giving empty talk?
dudes, you gotta put your heart where your mouths are. your whole life should be a living sacrifice to God. he DIED for you. you want to LIVE for Him? we may think all these acts of rebellion are cool, people will accept us... throughout the week we sin unknowingly/knowingly, and we continue to do so, cos we're not perfect. we do stuff that we know God doesn't like. but we still do it. why?
the whole week, we forget about God, our world revolves around me, myself, i. we start to party and all that, just wanting to have fun. but... sunday approaches, we say to God,"oh, i'm sorry Lord! please forgive me! i'm gonna live for you from today onwards!" as soon as you walk out, you forgot about your promises to God, and you just want to have fun, not thinking about God anymore. and it becomes a routine.
quoting esmonde, either you give your 100% or you don't give at all. don't be a hypocrite. don't be a sunday christian. are you living your life the way God wants you to? 3 kinds of people- the saved, the unsaved, and the unspiritual. which one are you?
i'm gonna take my stand already. the time has come. either you're with Jesus, or you're against Jesus. make your stand now. sitting on the fence will only cut your butt. i dare to take this risk because God revealed it to me already. hate me if you want, i've got Jesus on my side. (:
"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."
-John 15:17-19
joash lee at 11:30 PM
Wednesday, August 9, 2006
_____, i really really want to let you know how much you mean to me, but i can't. for some reason or another, it'll affect our friendship, and i don't want to take that risk again. i really miss the companionship. how i wish i could tell you, but it's just..... not right. i can't do it. i want to get to know you more. for real.
mixed feelings.
mixed feelings.
joash lee at 6:20 PM
Monday, August 7, 2006
we're all compasses. before we become christians, our needles point towards north. anywhere we turn, we still face north. but, once we accepted Jesus as our Saviour, He becomes the magnet that is by our side, helping us not to conform to the patterns of this world, which means help us not to keep facing north, instead, the needle will turn to face Jesus, our solid foundation. as long as we keep facing him, we can be rest assured that he'll be by our side all the time. but as time goes by, we slowly drift from him, and the magnetism is lost. soon, we go back to conforming to the world's patterns. thank God for other stronger compasses who will cross our paths and use their magnetism to pull us back to the foundation. where is your compass pointing now? are you trying to pull away from positive influence just because you wanna have fun? you'll end up further and further only. be wise, only follow one direction, that is towards the solid rock.
joash lee at 10:08 PM
Sunday, August 6, 2006
as much as vignette deserves it, i don't think you all should be that mean to her. anyway, you're just another lowly servant of Jesus Christ. we're all of the same status. God says, "vengeance is mine." so? do you all think its right to curse her and all that?
i was thinking, i always say "stand for all i believe in", but do i really stand up for God? i know what God dislikes, do i make the effort to correct any wrong? i used to, till it was too overwhelming. i don't care anymore, even if you all hate me, i'm gonna stand for what's right. even if it means losing all my friends, at least i still have Jesus.
guys, and people. you all forgot the pact we made. not to say all the profanities. there are too many of you, and i can't keep possibly reminding you, can i? the worse thing is, you all even remember? you all even realise? i know nobody's perfect, but i don't even see you all trying. i'm not in a position to judge. everytime i correct someone, i'll get reprimanded. its tiring you know? i sorta gave up already. but God told me, "if i'm for you, who can be against you?"
i was thinking, i always say "stand for all i believe in", but do i really stand up for God? i know what God dislikes, do i make the effort to correct any wrong? i used to, till it was too overwhelming. i don't care anymore, even if you all hate me, i'm gonna stand for what's right. even if it means losing all my friends, at least i still have Jesus.
guys, and people. you all forgot the pact we made. not to say all the profanities. there are too many of you, and i can't keep possibly reminding you, can i? the worse thing is, you all even remember? you all even realise? i know nobody's perfect, but i don't even see you all trying. i'm not in a position to judge. everytime i correct someone, i'll get reprimanded. its tiring you know? i sorta gave up already. but God told me, "if i'm for you, who can be against you?"
joash lee at 7:46 PM
Friday, August 4, 2006
God has opened my eyes, and revealed to me more stuff during the past 2 days. which is quite good. went to swee lee today, bought 4 picks, 1 capo, 1 set of strings and a pair of drumsticks for billy. i saw a few electrics that i like, range from 450-750. gotta start saving man. anyways, founders day service was not bad. i was enjoying myself during worship.
true friends. different people will put you in different priorities in their friendship ladder. that's kinda sad.
true friends. different people will put you in different priorities in their friendship ladder. that's kinda sad.
joash lee at 4:30 PM
Tuesday, August 1, 2006
"i juz dun to lyk be involve.. cos if wan to be involve.. better giv 100% mah.. nt lyk half half lyk tt lyk most christians.. den if giv 100%.. lyk damn funny lyk tt.. c de holy ones all 50%-100% of deir language all abt christian christian de..eg. joash.. even blog oso so holy.. den he even say actualli muz 100%-.- wth..." -esmonde tan's blog.
its quite true if you think about it. some people don't want to give 100%, so they don't follow. just for the record, i think that those who don't give 100% knowingly to God, they are just mere hypocrites. at least people like esmonde has the, would i say courage?, to make his stand. either give 0% or 100%. not half half. its quite respectable. but i really hope one day he'll be the 100% one, not the 0%.
you're my strength when i'm weak...
crying is tiring.
its quite true if you think about it. some people don't want to give 100%, so they don't follow. just for the record, i think that those who don't give 100% knowingly to God, they are just mere hypocrites. at least people like esmonde has the, would i say courage?, to make his stand. either give 0% or 100%. not half half. its quite respectable. but i really hope one day he'll be the 100% one, not the 0%.
you're my strength when i'm weak...
crying is tiring.
joash lee at 11:43 PM