Why do we love?

i'm really afraid. i'm scared. i'm fearful of what's about to happen. few months back, i had the impression that i was going to lose someone close. and it really did happen. not that the person died or anything, we just drifted. and today, i've got two more knocking on my door.

on the way to tuition, i was sitting with peter in 74, and we were just stoning. as we passed by Singapore Polytechnic, i saw a bunch of ITE people on the pedestrian's path, and i saw some of them hugging each other. before i could give my comments to peter, he got my attention to the right side of the road. there, to my horror, was a body, covered with a black sheet, and there was a hand sticking out. there was a streak of blood flowing out of that covered corpse. it was lying next to a helmet, and a motorcycle. in my mind, everything started to fall in place. i figured out what happened, and the rest at the side of the road were devastated.

there was a pang of sorrow within me, not that i knew the deceased, but because i figured that the guy was muslim, and he wasn't going to heaven. i really really felt sorry for his friends, i saw them crying and all.. i guess i'm really starting to feel God's heartbeat, for the unsaved now.

another incident, also happened today. i came back from tuition, felt like going for a run, so i did. i decided to run to my grandma's house, which was 2 streets down. on my way there, i saw two collided cars, one of which was headfirst. i hope there were no casualties, cos i didn't see any bodies. maybe the ambulance took them away already. and when my grandmother saw me, she cried and hugged me. i haven't seen her for a really long time. she said she missed me and my brother.

its quite devastating for me, to see these two accidents happen, and to add fuel to the flame, i was reading a book, and the guy(police, sniperman) shot another guy because he was gonna shoot his wife and kid. the poor kid, imagine seeing your father's head being blown off by a sniper when you're 4 years old.

somehow i'm afraid that something would happen. the impression of me losing someone close is back again. and this time, i'm scared, but i'm ready, because i believe God prepared me in advance for it. i'm afraid, because all my 4 grandparents are still around. all these happened today. i highly doubt it's coincidence, because i know everything i go through, has gone through the approval of God. and the experiences are there for me to learn, and everything has a purpose.

i guess i'll end here. well, do pray for me yeah, i'm fearful, but i'm prepared. if God decides to take away, i'm ready.

be still and know that I am God.