Why do we love?

Today was slack. But i managed to find time to finish up my math tutorials. Amazing. It's been so long since i've went to yew tee macs to do work. Somehow, i feel that i'm gonna screw up this year again, with so many activities and all, i just feel like i'm going to die, not putting God first. It's been so many times, i don't know what i go to church for, I don't know why i do my quiet time, i don't know why. i just... don't. I'm currently leading a bunch of sec 1s in church, and playing guitar and drums for the music min, and also have to attend my own cell group. I just feel like it's all not worth it. It's all not important in life. I wanna do the things that really matter, and the things that will impact other people's lives.

The thing i'm most concerned now, and i feel most strongly about, is my volleyball team. I'm serious. As quoted by Ernest Phua, this is the first time i have felt so dedicated and committed to a team. And i really know that we can get top 4, after the things we've been through. And trust me, it's been a long long way. We taught them, and saw them grow in skills, and now they play as if they've been playing for 3 years, though they've only played for less than a year. I'm super impressed, and i will do ANYTHING to bring this team to the A division finals.

Yeah, that's what's going on now. As for spirituality, i feel as if i've distanced from everyone. Like, my church cell, i haven't met them in a month. And my own cell, we haven't met up since 3 weeks ago, and the previous one was 2 months ago. It's just i feel like i have nobody to run the race with me, and i just feel like giving up. One by one, all are faltering. And believe me, i've ever had serious thoughts about giving up too, cos it all seems so easy, to backslide from christianity and all, and with no one to be accountable to, it just feels like it's the right thing to do, cos i ain't living it out anyway.

Well, now, main focus, studies, volleyball, and hopefully get back on track with God. Some things just aren't fair, like how bad things always happen to good people, and the bad people seem to be living the good life. I'm a good guy, i feel i deserve good things in my life. But it just ain't happening... It just ain't happening.